I don’t know if it has anything to do with magic inside me but I have never felt normal.
In kindergarten I stayed awake while others were taking a nap. Everyday for a few years I would lay in my bed listening other kids breathing calmly. I wasn’t normal. I was different. The teachers knew that something wasn’t quite right with me but never intervened because I was quiet and not disturbing others.
It was the first time I felt like I didn’t belong. How could all these other kids just sleep without any difficulties? I couldn’t.
But that was just the first time I felt out of place.
Later on in my life everyone else seemed to fit in and find their own place. I lived more in my head. Always wishing for something more but never truly seeing what that more would be. During my teenage years I spend countless hours in the local library just reading. Novels, poems, dictionaries and most importantly books about witchcraft. Something was calling me but never enough for me to understand.
I was different. I still am but not as oppressed as I used to be.
When all my friends went to university or started dating seriously while planning their perfectly ordinary future something flamed inside me. There’s no way I could survive just studying something useful, finding a man and making a few kids for me to take care of. And even worse, there was no way for me to make name for myself as that cool powerful business woman my parents were wishing for.
My soul was screaming for something more. And so I left to see the world.
Now you may be asking: what does this have to do with your journey to the world of magic?
Maybe it doesn’t, maybe it does. I have always been a restless soul who has to find something deeper behind this world. It can’t just be about living your life to work or raise kids. There has to be more.
That’s why I’m searching for magic. That’s why I’m searching for meaning waiting inside me. That voice inside me is still going on. Something is trying to get my attention but I just can’t hear it. Yet.